Posts Tagged ‘family’


Find Out Who Your Friends Are

When I was dating my husband, Mr. Loyalty, I had just separated and was in the process of divorce. I had driven approximately 100 miles of a 300 mile trip to see him when my car broke down. Nice. I had three small children with me and only a enough money for gas. I was stuck in some hick town in Kansas and had no idea what I was going to do. I couldn’t call my still then husband and ask for help. I could hear the conversation now. “Where are you?” I’m sure he would ask. “On my way to see my boyfriend” I would reply. Even I knew I couldn’t say that. I could not call my dear mother and ask for help. She had recently died and I had no confidant. Not that she would approve, but I was still, and always would be her daughter. She had the wonderful ability to love us girls and support us but still let us suffer the consequences of our actions. I felt I could not call my sisters, they had no idea what was going on in my life at that point. If I had not already mentioned, I had separated from my husband, then met Mr. Loyalty in the hospital caring for him and it was love or at least lust at first sight. Never had I had an immediate strong attraction to someone like that. I was married the first time when I was only 17 and too young to know better but old enough to think I did. Well, Ollie, a fine mess we have gotten ourselves in again. Mr. Loyalty was in a group rehabilitation home in Junction City, Kansas and was not expecting me to come up. I mentioned that he hada fondness that developed into a love that developed into a need that soon developed into a slave for alcohol. It did ugly things to his life and those around him. Looking back it seems like a whole nother person. Anyway, this surprise trip was not going to be a surprise for long. I used part of the gas money to call him and told him my predicament. He asked me where I was and told me to take the children and get a room for the night with the money I had. He would figure the rest out. He said to call him once I got to a room and let him know the number. I did just so. Within an hour he called me and said he borrowed some money and was going to hitch hike to me! I couldn’t believe it. Someone I barely knew was taking charge and going to hitch hike 200 miles to help me in my time of need. He asked if I had money for food and I said no. He said he would take care of it. About midnight there was a knock on the motel door and I peeked out and saw his incrediblyhandsome face. I let him in and he had a brown sack full of sandwiches and some fruit. Before leaving the halfway house he had the cook make some sandwiches for the children and brought s a few extra goodies. You must remember the time frame of this incident was 1984 and in a small town in Kansas everything closed shop at 6 pm on Saturday night. Mr. Loyalty had borrowed money from some house mates and was able to fix my car the next day and I drove him back to Junction City and turned immediately around to go back home. If you know nothing about alcoholics know this–they are manipulative and relentless and sometimes when your stuck with three small kids in a hick town in the middle of nowhere USA that is just what it calls for. He has a generous spirit, is loyal, faithful and true and it doesn’t hurt to have good looks thrown in there too. I certainly found out who my friends are.

I realize that this post puts me in a bad light and I accept that.  I am not hear to sugarcoat and make excuses or rewrite history.  I want to simply state the situation with the realization that people are a product of their environment and their feelings, emotions, and opinions are shaped by such.  There were enough years difference in my sisters and I that I have no recollection of what is was like to live with them as siblings inside that home.  Sister #3 married at age 17, #2 married in May of her junior year IN HIGH SCHOOL, not because she had to but just to escape from home.  I married at 17 also.  I don’t want to say we had a horrible childhood because many others had it far worse.  We had a mother who loved and adored us, a loving  extended and close family of aunts, uncles, and cousins, plenty of food and clothes on our backs, and a roof over our heads.  We had the essentials.  We also had a father who was cold, distant,  dysfunctional and could turn on a dime.  You never knew when or where his brutal assault of words would come from.  Living with him was the epitome of walking on egg shells.  My sisters proved to be my refuge and a safe retreat on weekends and summer breaks.  When I stayed with sister #1 it was like stayingwith a young, cool hip best friend.  She would take me to clubs with her and her boyfriends, parties, etc. She would take me to the fair, ice skating, and lavish me with books.  She was fun.  She was what I wanted to be. She had a fantastic wardrobe and a body to fill it out.  She also had an alcoholic husband that she loved dearly.  They separated time and time again.  They were married three times TO EACH OTHER that is how bad she wanted it to work.  Then she finally  married a wonderful man and is still married to Mr. Stable and Dependable to this day.  She has one fantastic daughter (my niece) and two great grand-kids.  I like to think she shares them with me.  My sister #2 likes to say she was married and now divorced but in actuality she was married 4 times.  Two of which were alcoholics.  She always corrects me and says three-that one was annulled and does not count- but it makes for good story telling.  I, sister #3 have been married twice.  One to an alcoholic.  Do you see a pattern here?  Yes, all married young to get out of the house, all married alcoholics to take care of to mimic our purpose for living. My sister #2 was married and lots of fun when I would go and stay with her.  Then I had my nephews to love.  Then she got divorced and my life changed also.  By then I had gotten married.  It seems all of us girls has taken turns at beingthe fun-loving, adventurous, worry about that tomorrow types alternating with dependable and responsible, nose to the grind stone.  And it’s a good thing we have.  I hope we’ll always continue to be there for each other.


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